No reason why my first post shouldn’t be titled What The Fuck, when that’s how life feels 50% of the time, for me anyway. I don’t know what I’m doing half the damn time and end up mostly winging it. Today was no exception.

I’ve been a shut-in for quite a few months. Isolator. A recluse surrounded by people. Hmm.. I wonder if it’s been a few months or several years. Who’s to say? Tomato// ToMAHto. I’ve developed this weird fear of the outside world. Not so much agoraphobia, more like a fear of being seen, of being vulnerable- of being ‘out in the world’. I don’t know where the fuck it came from. Was I always like this? Did I just pretend otherwise? I don’t think so. In my early 20’s, when I was really fucked up and not having much of a clue about who I was, even though I swore I knew, I was very all encompassing. Living my life out loud. I had a lot to prove, mostly to myself. I was always competing with me. Trying to be better than my worst days and making a shit ton of awful mistakes along the way. And they were some glorious mistakes, oh youth…

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